There are rumors swirling across the internet that suggest some of the most celebrated music events can descend into rather unsanitary situations. Recently, viral clips surfaced hinting at uncomfortable realities backstage and in the venues of major concerts, sparking a wide range of reactions.
These discussions quickly moved from mere speculation to shocking imagery, involving claims about bodily waste being found in public areas during performances by artists like Olivia Rodrigo, Noah Kahan, and 5 Seconds of Summer. The sheer absurdity of these rumors often contrasts sharply with the polished, high-energy atmosphere of a live music event.
Amidst this noise, one artist attempted to address the issue head-on, turning a moment of viral gossip into a public service announcement. Noah Kahan decided to share his perspective at his recent show in Toronto, stepping into the spotlight to discuss social contracts and basic venue etiquette.
Kahan started by acknowledging the awkwardness of the situation. He posited that entering any building establishes an unspoken agreement—a social contract. He emphasized that one crucial rule, beyond avoiding physical conflict, is maintaining public hygiene: “don’t shit on the floor.”
To drive this point home, Kahan led the audience in a sort of therapeutic oath. He asked everyone to repeat a vow, solemnly swearing they would not intentionally contaminate the venue. The vow was simple yet emphatic: “I solemnly swear I will not shit my pants, and if I do, I won’t take it from my pants and put it on the floor.”
Kahan then made a humorous turn, pretending to consult an imaginary health authority regarding the realities of digestive issues. He joked about the fact that one in four adults suffers from IBS, adding a lighthearted, yet honest acknowledgment of shared human biology.
This attempt at candidness seemed to land well, resulting in a memorable moment where the audience left the venue with a newfound appreciation for basic courtesy. The situation highlighted the often-unspoken realities of large public gatherings and offered an unexpectedly relatable take on common human experiences under the bright lights of performance.
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Credit: Exclaim!
